Name : Sri Nurtika Sari (N1A514109)
Dear my beloved friend, Hartina Hamado. You have a nice descriptive
about Uttaran drama, but in this moment I’ll give a comment about it. I realize
I’m not the perfect people who can give you the suggest, because we’re in the same
condition as a student who need more lessons and knowledge. So, Forgive me if I
mark many incorrect sentences on your written, because I think it is for your progress
in the future *peace*.
“Popularity Of
Uttaran Drama In Indonesia”
(by Hartina Hamado)
Assalamualaikum
readers, in this time we will work through about a drama that really popular in Indonesia on
this year. That is Uttaran, a drama that comes from shah rhul khan (my husband) state,
India. I think all of us have knew about it, yah, even I know some of you don’t really like
these drama, shame
with me, actually I don’t really like too these drama, the story of the drama
too complicated, but I saw many people talk about Uttaran drama, so
I think that will be interesting if we try to work through it. Thats why I choose
it to be my topic now.
Utaran drama is one of the India drama that ANTV present. These drama be present
every day at afternoon, around 4 or 5 o’clock pm. Every afternoon,
many people in Indonesia just watching this drama in ANTV. Uttaran drama is
telling about an India woman and mans’ love story who live in a family of
wealth that really complicated. India’s artist of the drama are very handsome and beautiful.
ANTV Often invites them to come in Indonesia to amusing the people of Indonesia
who loved their drama. Uttaran drama is the most favorite India drama that ANTV
present in Indonesia.
Uttaran drama is very popular in
Indonesia. Almost all people in Indonesia know about that drama, neither kids,
middle, until oldster, must be watched it , especially
mothers, they are really enthusiastic of it. Even they didn’t watch those drama, I am sure, they know it.
Whenever and wherever they are, they always talk about it even they are in a
busy. Market, school, campus even in home Utaran drama always in the topic.
Its because of the plot of each episode
is really interesting, the plot can raising an emotional everyone who
watch that drama and make them be anxious to do or find out what will happen in
the next episode.
That’s all what I know about the
popularity of Utaran drama in Indonesia. I don’t really know about the story of
those drama, cause,
u know, I’m just a student who live in the boarding room, there is
no TV inside, so I hope u will understand.
I just know it from my mother and my other friend who like those drama.
But, if you really wanna know about the Utaran drama story is, you can watch it
on ANTV at afternoon. I hope we can share another drama in the next time. Thank
you for reading…
My Comment and
suggestion :
- “in this time we will work through about a drama that really popular in Indonesia on this year…”. In my of view, it will be better “in this time we will discuss about a drama which really popular in Indonesia this year…”
- “a drama that comes from shah rhul khan (my husband) state, India”. You have to remember name of people should be started by capital letter: Shah Rhul Khan : “a drama that comes from Shah Rhul Khan (my husband) state, it is India”
- “I think all of us have knew about it” you may forgot if past participant of ‘know’ is ‘known’
- “shame with me”. You may forget ‘shame’ in Indonesia is ‘malu’, don’t forget dear, ‘shame’ and ‘same’ has different meaning
- “I don’t really like too these drama”. It will be better “I don’t really like these drama too” or “I’m also not really like these drama”
- “the
story of the drama too complicated”. This sentence has no a verb of auxiliary verb, it’ll be good “the story of the drama is very complicated” or “the story is very complicated” make it
simple girl. I use ‘very’ because ‘complicated’ must be pairs with ‘very’ (collocation)
- “so I think that will be interesting if we try to work through it”. I think it’ll better if you use ‘discuss about it’ than ‘work through it’
- “Utaran drama is one of the India drama that ANTV present. These drama be present every day at afternoon, around 4 or 5 o’clock pm.” For me ‘it is’ represent the word of ‘These drama’, and the sentence should be “it is present for every day in the afternoon, about 4 or 5 o’clock pm.”
- "India’s artist of the drama are very handsome and beautiful”. It’ll good if the sentence become “the actors and actress of Uttaran drama are very handsome and beautiful”
- “Even they didn’t watch those drama, I am sure, they know it. Whenever and wherever they are, they always talk about it even they are in a busy. Market, school, campus even in home Utaran drama always in the topic.”. You use ‘even’ for many times, and I’ve got confused with this sentences, I do not know what does the subject ‘they’ means here. Is ‘they’ for ‘kids, middle, until oldster’, or only for ‘people’ who didn’t watch the drama? If you mean ‘they’ for ‘people’ didn’t watch the drama, let see my sentence that I made for you “although some people didn’t watch this drama, I’m sure they know the plot. Whenever and wherever they are, people always talk about it even they were very busy. In the Market, school, campus or in the home Utaran drama always become the topic.”
- “Its because of the plot” you may forgot to use apostrophe “ ’ ” between it and s.
- “..cause, u know..”. I think in writing we shouldn’t make a brief word such as ‘you’ become ‘u’.I It’ll be better if you make it completely “.. because, you know…”
- For me “if you really want to know about the story of Utaran drama” is better than “if you really wanna know about the Utaran drama story is”.
